The other day our school received the best sick excuse I have ever received in my entire career. Matthew Denny, one of our seniors and one of the best kids I have ever met, sent the following excuse. I trust you will enjoy it as much as I did!
I regret to inform you that my body is producing excessive pyrogens resulting in an elevation of my core temperature which will preclude my attendance of your intellectually stimulating allocution on Thursday. After discussion with my personal physician and nurse, and in an effort to prevent the sharing of this ailment with yourself or fellow classmates, I have determined to remain in my primary residence where proper nourishment, hydration, medication, and repose are readily available. Should there be given any assignments which are not posted on your website or in your syllabus, kindly submit them to my email so that I may tend to their completion prior to my hopeful return on Tuesday.
As always, I am your most humble student and servant in Christ,
Matthew
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