In that moment, I thought about life today compared to life yesterday. And, when I say yesterday, I am referring to my yesterday which includes time, culture and geography.
My yesterday includes life in a northern state at a younger age in a different culture. It includes a different education and a different community.
In that moment, I thought of life today as crowded, cramped, fast and rushed. Life today is full of many things, but, in that moment, I thought of the things that I miss about life in the past. Then, the MRI machine started and my moment was gone. My moment was filled with loud and strange rhythmic sounds. Those sounds, as loud and strange as they were, did not deter me from continuing my thoughts on life past.
Why was I lamenting life past? Is not present life full of fast and exciting technology? Is not present life full of inventions and procedures that extend life's duration and quality? The machine stopped to adjust for the next loud blast of sound, allowing me a respite of sorts from the mechanical sounds. Again, I drifted back to life past and smiled at the thoughts that came, and then, the next blast of loudness came.
But, the loudness could not wipe the smile off my face as I continued to think of life past. Life in a small town where everyone knew everyone's name and really cared for everyone. Life in a time when locking the door was only done when one left for days at a time. Life when one acted in ways that considered others before themselves. Life when education was about the students and not about the one hundred other things now considered important.
The loud clanging and bonging stopped and a voice instructed me that I would be extracted from the belly of the loud beast for a moment. A swipe of alcohol, a sudden pinch, a bandage and then back into the belly of the beast for my acoustic torture. I closed my eyes and returned to my thoughts on life past.
Is there a real difference? Is not change part of everyone's life? I opened my eyes to see the white mask over me, and quickly closed them again, forcing my thoughts back to these questions. Yes, I deducted, change is part of everyone's life, but the kind of change that comes matters much. There have been many changes to our world that have made our world better, but how many changes have made man, generally, better?
Then, all was silent, and a voice came over the speaker. I was extracted from the beast and told my procedures were finished. I stood up and return to the world, thankful for my respite away, but I was still in full possession of my questions regarding change. Are we better now than yesterday? Are we really less considerate of others, or is this my own perspective?
There is nothing quite like coming to grips with your paranoid perception of reality and then having it changed for you in a matter of days. It is like dynamite; it blows you out of your current hole in life and places you at a different point in life. You are on the proverbial hill looking out over life with a renewed sense of purpose and a heightened sense of sight. I am praying that my purpose and my sight stay at this elevation.
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